Mikey in Travisland: Chapter 7-Travis the King of Portmanteau

Chapter 7-Travis the King of Portmanteau* (picture: Travis the King of Portmanteau*)
[NOTE: In this chapter all words which are portmanteaus* are marked with an asterisk * following the word. Composite creatures are marked +]

Portmanteau* was different from the other kingdoms. Absotively*, posilutely* different. The air was full of smog*.
Centaurs+ and cherubim+ roamed the mountains. Griffins+ flew overhead. Trabbits* lived along the river. On a ginormous* screen, people were watching sitcoms*, biopics*, and movies from Bollywood*.
In another area, people were cosplaying*, sexting*, and twerking* during their staycations* at the resort on the lake.
Mikey stopped to ask them how to find Travis the King of Portmanteau*. They wondered why this stranger was interrupting their brunch* of frankenfood* and spam*. One with affluenza* offered to pay for a taxicab* to take Stranger Mikey to the mansion of King Travis of Portmanteau*. Another one, crying that his bromance* was over, opened up his Velcro*
clasp* and pulled out a computer offering to get directions from YELP* or Wikipedia*. Another man was watching webisodes* and podcasts* from the WIFI* on hjis cellphone and didn’t care about Stranger Mikey. A woman thought he was a cyborg*, or at least snarkily* suggested it.
Mikey decided that taking the taxicab* was the safest and most direct way to get to the mansion of Travis the King of Portmanteau*. He found out on his arrival that Travis the King of Portmanteau* was quite the netizen* who was busy typing alphanumeric* characters and emoticons* while watching the Shopaholic* Channel.
Travis the King of Portmanteau* queried, “Who are you stranger who looks like a victim of malware*? Mikey uttered, “Do you know how i can leave Travisland?” Travis the King of Portmanteau replied, “Chillax* Bro, I will check my freeware*. I find no way to leave Travisland, not even a guestimate* how.” Mikey asked, “Do you know how to get to Travis the Wise Man of the Mountain?” Travis the King of Portmanteau replied, “I do indeed. Just follow that road there north. I will send him an email saying you are on your way.” Mikey said, “Thank you so much Sir for your kindosity* and generness*. Travis the King of Portmanteau replied, “Absotively*, posilutely*, not a problem.”

Mikey in Travisland: Chapter 6-The Land of Untimely Creatures

Chapter 6-The Land of Untimely Creatures
(pictures: Travis the T-Rex (Travisaurus Rex), Travis the Yeti, Travis the Bigfoot, Travis the Chupacabra, Travis the Troll, Sheldon, Lurch, Calvin and Hobbes)

BUT! Instead of heading east towards the mountain, Mikey headed south into the Land of Untimely Creatures.
When Mikey saw Calvin and Hobbes, he greeted them both. They wondered how he knew their names and Hobbes the Tiger wondered how Mikey could see him.
They ran off leaving Mikey alone who soon came to the apartment building where Sheldon lived in “The Big Bang Theory.” Sheldon is a Travis alter ego in Mikey’s world. In the middle of a discussion of the physics explaining how a star burns hydrogen while playing three-player chess, Mikey ran out of the building screaming, “Please! No more Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock. Midtown doesn’t have medication for this!”
The fleeing run brought him to an old Gothic house. He was thirsty and somewhat hungry. So Mikey knocked on the door. Lurch answered as it was the Addams Family house. Lurch is another Travis alter-ego from Mikey’s world. Lurch gave Mikey some water and Hand gave Mikey some food. But Lurch could not give Mikey directions to leave Travisland. Lurch uttered, “Maybe Travis the King of Portmanteau would know. Go down that road to his kingdom.”
As Mikey continued down the road, he thought he was seeing things. Animals got stranger; plants got thicker; the ground got higher. And there travis the T-Rex speaks. His full name is Travisaurus Rex. “Who are you stranger in a strange face?” Travis the Yeti and Travis the Bigfoot came up to meet the stranger. Travis the Chupacabra ran down the road away from the strange stranger in a strange land. Travis the Abominable Snowman (brother to Travis the Yeti) ignored the stranger and stayed on his mountain. Mikey enquired if they knew the way out of Travisland back to West Virginia, Mountain Mama. Travisaurus Rex said that he couldn’t see any other land than Travisland. Travis the Yeti said he could see no other land than Travisland from his mountain. Travis the Bigfoot said his forest goes nowhere other than Travisland. Travis the Chupacabra kept running.
Mikey said Lurch told him to go to Travis the King of Portmanteau. But Mikey wanted to find Travis the Wise Man of the Mountain. Mikey asked if they knew how to get to his mountain. They all said, “Yes!” But they each gave different directions. Finally, after several minutes of arguing, Travis the Yeti went back to his mountain, Travisaurus Rex chased after Travis the Chupacabra to eat him, and Travis the Bigfoot told him to head east to the Kingdom of Portmanteau or northeast to the Kingdom of Joy and Happiness where the mountain he sought was.
Mikey stupidly headed east towards the Kingdom of Portmanteau. About halfway to the residence of Travis the King of Portmanteau, Mikey came upon the bridge of Travis the Troll. Travis the Troll refused passage over the bridge to Mikey without payment, since, as everyone knows, you must pay a toll on a troll road. Mikey instead went left on the road and eventually crossed into the Kingdom of Portmanteau.

 

Next Chapter

Mikey in Travisland: Chapter 5-Travis the Philosopher

Chapter 5-Travis the Philosopher
(picture: Travis the Philosopher)

Continuing down the road less travelled, Mikey came to the University of Travisland. Inquiry brought him to Travis the Philosopher, father of Emperor Travis the Kind by Queen May the Joyous, and founder of the University of Travisland.
Travis the Philosopher had resigned the kingdom his father Travis the Wise Man of the Mountain had first resigned to him to his son Emperor Travis the Kind who united all the realms into one Empire of Travisland.
Travis the Philosopher was intrigued by Stranger Mikey. There was nothing in any philosophy known to Travis the Philosopher which could explain the existence of a Mikey in Travisland. Neither Plato, nor Aristotle had conceived this. Immanuel Kant could not explain it with Transcendentalism. Romanticists like Thoreau and Edgar Allen Poe could not write about something as strange as this.
Travis the Philosopher speaks, “To be, or not to be, that is the question. For what strange creature struts across this stage I call life?” Mikey replied, “I am Mikey from West Virginia, Mountain Mama. I accidentally entered Travisland from which I wish to make my egress.” Travis the Philosopher asked, “Why would anyone wish to egress from Travisland? There is no explanation in my philosophy books out of hand. This idea of leaving is so romantically grand, surreptitiously canned, transcendentally fanned, as ephemeral as sand.”
“Does the art of poetry run throughout your family?” asked Mikey. Travis the Philosopher stated, “It does indeed. It grew from a seed till it spread like a hoary steed.” Mikey retorted under his breath, “More like an awful tweed.”
Travis the Philosopher asked, “Say what?” Mikey said, “Nothing, Sir. Do you know how to leave Travisland so I can go home to West Virginia, Mountain Mama?” Travis the Philosopher said, “I have done research on my computer on this. I find nothing on this source of your amiss. No one in Travisland would want to leave it, so no philosopher has contemplated it. Perhaps my father Travis the Wise Man of the Mountain would know. Follow that road, every time it splits go left.”
Mikey continues down the road less travelled.

Mikey in Travisland: Chapter 4-Emperor Travis the Kind and Empress April the Beautiful

Chapter 4-Emperor Travis the Kind and Empress April the Beautiful
(pictures: Emperor Travis and Empress April)

Mikey finally made it to the palace of Emperor Travis the Kind and Empress April the Beautiful. They wholeheartedly greeted the stranger and asked him to have supper with them and tell them where he was from and where he was going. They were surprised when he wished to leave Travisland for some unknown land. They tried to get Mikey to stay thinking he would be a wonderful addition to Travisland as someone new to get to know.
Emperor Travis spoke, “We do not know the way to from our Empire get away. Perhaps my father Travis the Philosopher can help you.”
Emperor Travis broke into poetry, a trait of several of his family:
“The Queen of Farts my maternal cousin be.
My brother is Travis the Poet, you see.
My paternal cousin is Travis the Cartographer.
My father is Travis the Philosopher.
Travis the Wise Man of the Mountain is my grandfather.”

Mikey retorted (from “A Better Me” by Travis Allen King, copyright 2017. All rights reserved. Used by permission.):
“My future ahead is quite uncertain
and is veiled from me behind a curtain
Yet here and now I do declare
To meet all fears with nary a care

My fondest wish I will not drop
I must keep going and shall not stop
I will never look back to remain forlorn
Pining dreams gone which are old and worn.”
Mikey says, “I take my leave from you Emperor Travis the Kind and Empress April the Beautiful to journey on to find my way home from your beautiful land.”
Empress April says, “We wish you well Stranger Mikey. May you find your way home.”
Emperor Travis the Kind poetized further, (“Friends”, by Travis Allen King, copyright 2017. All rights reserved. Used by permission.): Friends come few and far between
Noble are they whether king or queen
Soul mates crisscross some proudly pair
Thoughts and dreams they freely share

True friends wield power to heal any rift
Forever pleased they gain this gift
Lonesome nevermore as love transcends
Fortune for all having such friends

Mikey in Travisland: Chapter 3-Travis the Poet

Chapter 3-Travis the Poet
(picture: Travis the Poet)

On the way to the palace of Emperor Travis (the Magnanimous), Mikey ran into a curious creative creature named Travis the Poet who was reciting one of his newest repetitive syllable statements “Remarkable Mark” [“Remarkable Mark”, copyright 2017. All rights reserved. Used by permission.] Remarkable Mark is the Markgraf of Markland, the northern part of Travisland. “Remarkable Mark. Remarkable Mark made remarkable remarks about markings Marked upon unremarkable walls, which Mark had believed were remarkably marked with remarkable marks, which were indeed remarkable markings marked remarkably upon unremarkable walls.”
Turning to the unknown Mikey, Travis the Poet queried, “Who are you and what spell are you under, that you my quietitude did asunder?”
“I am Mikey and I am lost in Travisland trying to get back ‘down country roads to the place I belong, West Virginia, Mountain Mama.'”
Travis the Poet asked, “Are you sure you’re not from here? You seem to speak our language quite clear!” Mikey replied,”I am definitely not from here, does my face not make that clear? All creatures I have seen here, have the same face which they hold dear. Is not my face to you something queer*?” Travis the Poet replied, “I did indeed think your face was strange, but I just thought you had the mange. I cannot help you go to this place only you know. But I can direct you to the palace of my brother Emperor Travis (the Intelligent). It is down that road there.”

*queer being used here in its original meaning of strange, not homosexual.

Mikey in Travisland: Chapter 2-Travis the Cartographer

Chapter 2-Travis the Cartographer

Mikey went on down, went on down the road. He went round a bend and back again. He went over a bridge over a creek and found an abode quite meek. He knew the house was the right one, for it had a sign “Travis the Cartographer, Inferior to None.” Mikey knocked on the double door. Travis the Cartographer bellowed, “What unexpected person is knocking on my double door? It better not be someone who is a bore! (opens door) I do not know you stranger, please come in Sir.”
“My name is Mikey and I seek the way to leave Travisland, hopefully today!” Travis the Cartographer asked, “Why would anyone wish to do that? Have you with someone had a spat? If this is so I’ll punish the rat.” “No Sir Travis. I entered Travisland accidentally at a signpost up ahead and I want to leave only to go back to my proper home, West Virginia, Mountain Mama.” Travis the Cartographer exclaimed, “I have many maps, but none there be, with a place called Virginey. But I do have one marked ‘Dragons be here!’ Are there any dragons in Virginey, that you hold so dear, that may help me find it.” Mikey replied, “There are no dragons in West Virginia, but mountains there be.”
Travis the Cartographer stated, “There are mountains on almost every map you see. That is not at all helpful to me. Maybe my cousin Emperor Travis the Kind knows how to leave his empire. Follow that road and it will take you to the capital, Megalopolis. Travisland six sections has: the Kingdom of Stinksalot, Markland in the north, Travisland proper in the middle, the Kingdom of Joy and Happiness to the east, the Kingdom of Portmanteau just south of there, and the Land of Untimely Creatures, a land best avoided. But before you go do you want to see my very detailed map of Springfield, Illinois? It is my life work, you know. Please see it before you go!” Mikey retorted, “What do “The Simpsons” have to do with my plight? I must go quickly, while it is still light.”

Mikey in Travisland: Chapter 9-The Holy Monogram and Egress from Travisland

Mikey followed the golden-brick road, which would have been more entertaining if it were the Yellow Brick Road to Oz with Munchkins to keep him company.  After several miles he came to the Mountain of Glory, red-sided, cloud-capped, no living thing, not even trees apparently on it. Yeppers, that matched the description he was told alright.

A little further on he saw a piece of art which must be the Holy Monogram.  A T inside a circle with seven colors and shapes. They seemed to be painted on large differently shaped buttons that could be pressed.

But pressed in what order? Mikey thought about what Travis the Wise Man of the Mountain had said. “Press the buttons in the right order and you will have a rainbow day.”

“That’s it!” thought Mikey. The seven colors were the same as those in the rainbow–but which order? He did not want to be dragon kibble. Three chances before becoming dragon dinner. That means two chances: red to violet or violet to red. He chose to press the colors in the usual order listed in West Virginia, Mountain Mama: Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. A mist engulfed him, a clear path opened ahead of him. He walked down that path and left Travisland behind, returning to West Virginia, Mountain Mama.

A few minutes later, Mikey woke up from his dream as his diuretics were working effectively.

The End.

 

 

Mikey in Travisland: Chapter 1-The Trabbit and the Queen of Farts

Chapter 1-The Trabbit and the Queen of Farts (pictures: Mikey, Trabbit, Queen of Farts)

One day Mikey was taking a walk. A normal wonderful wandering winsome walk. A walk seeing beautiful birds, colorful fragrant flowers, towering trees, interesting insects, and awesome architecture.
But wait! This was no normal ambulatory affair. For at the signpost up ahead, beside a mirrored wall, the Mikey entered unbeknownst to him, the Travisland.
The first unusual creature Mikey came upon was the Trabbit. It looked like a normal rabbit, except it had a human face! Complete with eye glasses!
“I’m late. I’m late. For a very important date.” Mikey asked, ” A date with whom?” The Trabbit responded, “A date with the Queen of Farts of course.” Mikey had a thought about another place seemingly so familiar right now. He asked the Trabbit, “So how many hearts does a Trabbit have?” The Trabbit replied, being a bit miffed, “Why would you ask such a silly question? Everyone knows it is three.” Mikey queried, “So the Queen of Farts has captured your hearts?” The Trabbit responded, “We are not in the ‘Pearls Before Swine’ comic strip you rude ridiculous rapscallion.
Just then a supersonic boom occured. The ground shook, the trees bowed low to the ground, the birds fell out of the sky, and lizards lost their tails. The Trabbit commented, “My lovely Queen of Farts approaches!” Trumpeters trumpeted and drummers drummed and a crier cried out: “All hail the Queen of Farts!”
The Queen of Farts temporarily ignored the Trabbit for the interesting stranger she had not seen before. Mikey and the Trabbit bowed low to the Queen who told them, “You may rise now.”
The Queen interrogated Mikey, “Who are you stranger with that strange face? One whom God did misplace? Against the Trabbit you can win no race, for he is a very good racing ace. Answer now or face disgrace from me ordering your head displaced.”
The Mikey replied, “What land is this place, that has a Queen with so much grace? Decked out in silks, furs, jewels, and lace, who rules graciously over men not base?”
The Queen responded, “You seem to speak our language well. The answer to your questions I now shall tell. This is the Empire of Travisland ruled by Emperor Travis the Kind and Empress April the Beautiful. I am the Queen of only a part, a maternal cousin to Emperor Travis the Smart. I am daughter of Lady June the Gracious, sister to Queen May the Joyous, the mother of Emperor Travis the Kind. I am the maiden Queen of Stinksalot, the western part of Travisland which has six parts”
Mikey asked the Queen of Farts if she knew how he could Travisland depart. She replied that she did not, but perhaps Travis the Cartographer, Emperor Travis the Kind’s paternal first cousin might know. “Follow that road and you will find his abode.” “Thank you, my Queen,” said Mikey bowing low and down the road he did go.

 

Next Chapter

 

Go Tell Aunt Rhody…..

I thought of “second” verses not in the original song. Copyright Michael Vincent Schwing, 4 March 2019. All rights (to the verses I made up) reserved.

AUNT RHODY
Go tell Aunt Rhody, go tell Aunt Rhody,
Go tell Aunt Rhody that the old gray goose is dead. (these three lines are the original)

New second verse can be:

It died with a pumpkin, it died with a pumpkin, it died with a pumpkin, stuck on its head.

____________________________________________________________________________________________Another New Version:

Go tell Aunt Rhody, go tell Aunt Rhody,
Go tell Aunt Rhody that the old fox squirrel is dead.

It died with a peanut butter jar, it died with a peanut butter jar, it died with a peanut butter jar stuck on its head.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Another version:

Go tell Aunt Rhody, go tell Aunt Rhody,
Go tell Aunt Rhody that her lobster is dead.

It died in boiling water, it died in boiling water, it died in boiling water, because it’s so tasty dead.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Bedtime Stories from Other Planets for Children: The Trochodon (in Spanish, Google translated). Historias a la hora de acostarse de otros planetas para niños: El Trochodon (en español, traducido en Google)

Cuentos para dormir para niños-El trochodon. Copyright 18 de febrero de 2018 por Michael Vincent Schwing

En un planeta un poco alejado, cuyo nombre ni siquiera se conoce (aunque se conoce a los forasteros como Solymi después de las personas que viven en él), viven los Solymi (pronunciado So LEE mee). Mientras que muchos pueblos en diferentes planetas utilizan mascotas, generalmente avioides, mamaloides y reptiles como serpientes, lagartos y tortugas, los Solymi tienen una mascota inusual: un gran reptil-mammaloide llamado trochodon (pronunciado TROKE-oh-donn).
Si bien se considera un reptiloide, tiene el pelo corto y difuso y los osos viven jóvenes. Es del tamaño de un perro terrier, pero se sabe que crece tan grande como un perro pastor alemán. Hay historias de otros incluso más grandes, pero la prueba no se ha presentado a la atención del Consejo de Gobierno, encabezada en este momento por el presidente del Consejo Leenard Hission (¡los propios Solymi son en parte reptiloides!). ¿Cómo se convirtió un animal parte reptil cuyo pelaje velludo y delgado puede ser rojo, negro, marrón o dorado y que puede enseñarse a hablar como un loro a convertirse en la mascota principal de los Solymi, que son reptiloides en lugar de uno de los pequeños? Mammaloids como cavies o conejos que también ocurren en este planeta. A continuación un resumen de la historia nativa.

Hace más de cien años, nadie está seguro porque los Solymi han introducido recientemente un calendario mundial, un dialecto lingüístico y un gobierno, un muchacho adolescente se aventuró en las montañas de Tan Sho, a las que durante mucho tiempo ha estado Ha sido prohibido por el dios Drako para entrar. Algunos creen que el cielo está ubicado en las montañas Tan Sho y que el dios Drako solo permite que ciertas personas vayan a vivir, muertas o vivas. Otros creen que esas montañas están llenas de demonios que se alimentan de Solymi ya que no se sabe que nadie haya regresado de las montañas, y la mayoría de los Solymi no desearían enojar al Dios Drako.

El adolescente, Jakto (pronunciado Jock-toe), decidió ir a explorar a lo largo del borde inferior de las montañas Tan Sho.
Jakto vio un movimiento en las rocas y la hierba, pero el fabricante no era tan grande como él y, por lo tanto, era poco probable que fuera Solymi. Subió la ladera de la colina al pie del monte Tan Ka. Intentó seguir el movimiento de la criatura, pero la criatura era más rápida de lo esperado, teniendo la ventaja de la cancha local. Jakto estaba tan concentrado en ver al creador de este movimiento que no prestó atención al oscurecimiento del cielo de la llegada de la noche, a la caída de la temperatura en el lado oscuro del planeta, a la longitud del tiempo desde que se fue de casa por un día, de cómo mamá estaría preocupada y cómo papá lo castigaría por romper el toque de queda. Sólo la Montaña y la criatura en ella captaron su atención.

Se volvió demasiado oscuro para buscar a la criatura y enfriarse. Jakto ahora se dio cuenta de que la noche estaba aquí, la temperatura bajaba y lo lejos que parecía la casa. Le había llevado siete horas caminar aquí y escalar la colina que bordeaba la montaña Tan Ka.
Seguramente la familia lo buscaría, pero él no les dijo que iba en dirección a la montaña. Afortunadamente, encontró algunas plantas comestibles para frenar su hambre. Entonces, el pensamiento más aterrador: ¿Qué pasaría si la criatura encontrara sabroso a los Solymi? Él podría ser comido y nadie lo sabría nunca. Jakto se echó a llorar.

Él no estaba perdido, pero no estaba donde debería estar. ¿Estaba el dios Drako castigándolo por desobedecer a sus padres? ¿Los volvería a ver alguna vez? Con gusto aceptaría las nalgadas y la hora de la cena después si supiera que estaría a salvo en casa.

Su llanto atrajo la atención de una criatura. De varias criaturas. Se acercaron y lo acariciaron, ronroneando y cuadrándose, como si fuera uno de los suyos. Lo acurrucaron a su alrededor y lo mantuvieron abrigado hasta la mañana, cuando todos, excepto dos, salieron corriendo y se escondieron. Jakto extendió la mano y frotó la cabeza y debajo del hocico de una de las criaturas. Parecía gustarle. Frotó y palmeó a ambas criaturas. Ellos ronronearon y chillaron a cambio y no hicieron ningún intento de morder, atacar o huir. El dios Drako no había castigado a Jakto. Había bendecido a Jakto con sobrevivir a la noche en la sombra de la montaña.

Jakto hizo el viaje de siete horas a casa, feliz de seguir vivo, preocupado por cómo lo castigarían sus padres. Las criaturas siguieron. Jakto llegó a casa a salvo, a su choza en la aldea Kor Shan, junto al río Nek Tan, a 150 millas de la capital de Solymi, Solymi Shan Tan. Su familia y sus padres estaban tan felices de verlo que olvidaron su deseo de castigarlo. El dios Drako lo había bendecido aún más en esto. Las personas que nunca antes habían visto a la criatura, se preguntaban qué eran y por qué siguieron a Jakto a la aldea, dejando su hogar en la montaña. Jakto le contó a la gente cómo las criaturas lo mantuvieron abrigado y lo cuidaron durante la noche en la montaña. La gente los llamaba trocodones. Dio la casualidad de que los dos eran un par de trochodones machos y hembras, y en un par de años había suficientes trocodones para que todos en la aldea Kor Shan tuvieran uno, si querían. Hubo tantos nacidos (un promedio de 5 a 8 por camada, inicio matin