Ethnography of the Portypot species, rewritten and copyright 20 Feb 2018 by Michael V. Schwing (Tyrrannis I Saurranno)

The Ethnography of the Portypot species, rewritten and copyright 20 Feb 2018 by Michael V. Schwing (Tyrrannis I Saurranno)

[DrP-Pot, MBathr.–Doctor in Portypotology, Masters in Bathroomology]

Purpose of this paper: To describe Portypot species, classification, customs and culture, lifestyle, food,  languages, education and religion, with the latest scientific discoveries at the Bathroom Institute of Technology, Indianapolis,  which Professor Schwing heads.

DESCRIPTION:

Portypots are interesting creatures which feed on human feces and urine. The digestion process is incompletely understood. Whether they are parasitic or symbiotic of humans is still disputed by scientists, but Professor Schwing believes they are symbiotes, even though without being fed regularly with human waste they starve to death within three weeks. (see further under FOOD, below)

COLOR:

There are several Portypot species. The most predominant species are blue (reflecting the connection to water), and green (believed to reflect the “natural” way they operate).  All pink ones have been proven so far  to be females, which are also human breast cancer awareness advocates.

Red, purple white, and yellow ones are too rare to have been included in this ethnography to the degree they should be.   Theoretically, Portypots can be any color. However, the blue chromatic gene X12A is dominant over the green, yellow, and white genes (respectively: X13, X14A, and X14C).  Their red color is caused by one inheriting two X15A genes, a very rare occurance: less than one in one thousand. Some published reports believe red Portypots are all male and sexually sterile.

 [P.T. Barnum: “Color genes in living portypots.” Harvard, Connecticut: 1952]

SEX:

Portypots have the typical male (Y) and female (X) genes.  The X genes also codify for color (see further under COLOR, above).  Reproduction, however, can be either sexual or asexual.  Normally it is sexual and the eggs are fertilized in the summer months, primarily at the annual Sun Worship Festival in July. (see further under CUSTOMS and RELIGION, below)

SCIENTIFIC CLASSIFICATION:

The Blue species (Portypot azure) has a primary subspecies with white top (Portypot azure candida-cristata).

The Green species (Portypot verde) also can be white-topped. presumably as an atavist trait from the time period when the ancestral Portypots were all blue (Protoportypot azure, extinct).

All known species are in the  Family Portypotidae, Order Portypota, Class Watercloseta, Phylum Aquarelieveria, in the Kingdom Usefulthingae.

[This most recent classification stems from the 2013 symposium on Portypots at the Bathroom Institute of Technology in Indianapolis. This was a collaborative effort by several experts towards both the Linnaean Classification and a Cladistics Classification. Professor Schwing was monitor of this symposium.]

CLADISTICS:

Class Outhousida includes clades Outhousida, Toileta, Watercloseta, Bathroomia, Portypota, Urinalia, and Bideta, but not rivers, creeks, pissing holes, holes dug in ground (Latrina, the mother clade of Outhousida), trees, or sides of government buildings.

Y-DNA: Tests have proven the close connection of clades Watercloseta, Bathroomia, Portypota, and Outhousida with Outhousida being the ancestral clade divided into clades Portypota and Watercloseta with Bathroomia descended from Watercloseta. *

MITOCHONDRIAL DNA: Tests have proven Bathroomia descends from Outhousida and therefore is related to Portypota, but not descended from it. *

AUTOSOMAL DNA: Tests show all the above clades to be related, both cladistically and by Linnaean classification.

[* Schwing, “Comparison of Cladistics, Y-DNA, Mitochondrial DNA, and Autosomal DNA of Class Outhousida”, Indianapolis: 2012]

RANGE:

Portypots are found worldwide, but are especially numerous in cities where there are multiple festivals where humans will feed them.

LIFE CYCLE:

 Portypots are oviparous (egg-laying). The eggs grow into the instar 1 diaper wipe, then instar 2 diaper, then instar 3 bassinet (=teen years), then metamorphose into adult Portypots on special farms, placed in secret locations by certain humans solely for this purpose.  These farms, which are all corporate owned in the USA, are usually hidden in the back forty of mountain oyster farms.

[Schwing, “The Life Cycle of Portypot species”, Indianapolis: 2014]

CUSTOMS and TRAITS:

It is unsure whether Portypots are monogamous or polygamous. There are some belonging to each condition.  Polyandry has been observed in the pink-colored ones.  But apparently they do mate for life.

     They are gregarious and fun loving; loving to congregate where humans are having festivals or public entertainment.

     Family units vary widely, but it is not uncommon to see elders grouped together in one location interested only in feeding, and the younger adults in a different location (still in sight of the elders such as across a park or campsite) interested in both feeding and mating. Children instars DO NOT live with their parents.

     The average Portypot can recite his or her ancestry for three generations, which they often know personally as they are long-lived. Unless they belong to the Imperial (Asian), Royal (European), or Presidential (North American) Lines, their genealogy beyond three generations is not normally preserved.  Unlike Humans who propagate many royal genealogy forgeries useful for reading while on the toilet (although the forgeries should be flushed down the toilet), Portypots have never been known to lie about their ancestry.

     Singing is a common pastime, but dancing is normally not done. Exercise, jazzercize, and such things are greatly frowned upon as demeaning. They love celebrating national and religious holidays as these increase the food supply.

FOOD:

Portypots solely consume human feces and urine.  Attempts to feed them dog or horse manure will keep them alive for awhile. However, they grow ever more sick as those manures lack three essential amino acids and enough protein and fat.  Feeding them compost has always led to painful deaths.

LANGUAGES:

It has been very difficult to record anything about their languages used, as they very rarely speak in front of humans.

      However, it has definitely been proven they understand English, Spanish, French, German, Italian, Polish, Russian, Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Malay, Swahili, Arabic, Nahuatl, Lakota, and several Mayan dialects. What has not been proven is whether ALL Portypots understand ALL these languages, whether they choose which languages to understand, or whether there is some kind of  indoctrination in languages during their education. (see further under EDUCATION, below)

EDUCATION:

The Portypot is usually taught while living on the farm on which instar 3 bassinets metamorphose into adults. This is all that is proven towards their education.  It is presumed that Portypots continue to learn throughout life, even without higher education.

RELIGION:

Portypots are almost all members of the Sun Worshipping Religion.  They do not tend to like rain, but are not scared of thunder, lightning, or snow, but are scared of hail as it could damage them.  The primary religious feast is the annual Sun Worship In-gathering in July, when nearly a hundred can be found in Military Park at one time. They have lesser festivals in May and September.  The Blue species is known to sing songs calling the Sun “Kerplop,”  The Green species calls the Sun “Kerplunk.”  The Red ones call the Sun “Ray”, (or perhaps Re, the Egyptian Sun God). Pink ones tend to worship Gaea (Mother Earth) and Ishtar (The Holy One, Mother of God, Queen of Heaven). Those which are Roman Catholics worship Mary, to whom they give the titles of Ishtar, as well as worshipping Jesus.

SUMMATION:

This paper contains the majority of known facts pertaining to classification, DNA analysis, customs, foods, education, and religion of  the genus Portypot. Any new findings shall be published in new papers through the Bathroom Institute of Technology, Indianapolis, Indiana, USA.

Random thoughts while walking home from the bus stop-17 March 2016

Random thoughts in the 6 blocks from the bus stop to my apartment after riding bus home from the CoC (Continuum of Care) and breakout sessions today on Community Day:

I felt sorry for the couple who were the victims of a Random Act of Dog Identification by the man walking ahead of me down the sidewalk. The man swore (almost literally) that their dog had to be a specific breed (I couldn’t tell what he said) because of some head thing the dog had going on. The couple didn’t know how to react and acted pretty much by trying to ignore him, walk on, and give strange looks as if the man were, well, homeless. I found it all entertaining. Then passing the juniper bushes I took a berry to chew on, suck out the flavor and spit out the berry seed and remains thinking, “People actually pay $5 a bottle for these sour-after-a-moment berries to use in meats like sauerbraten when they can pick them for free off these bushes.”(which I have done). Continuing on, I almost ran into a short woman whom I didn’t see coming up behind me for I was too busy looking at the granite square brick things in front of the building that used to be a church. She was very polite though, “Excuse me, Sir”. Then still in my own world I realized soon enough to not be hit by a car that if the cars on the left have gone through the green light then just maybe the cars on the right will also be choosing to go through the green light at the same time! However, before noticing when I was trying to cross the street there was a car coming up on my right (I stopped halfway across the street–remaining safe) why was the man standing on the corner and not crossing when his path had the red light on his side. Continuing on. Oh, shiny. But nothing important just trash not the interesting rock I thought it was. Then realized I was passing the building next to the one I live in and thinking that if I were able to buy that building and turn it into a 24 hour My Place that would have all the services of a Horizon House and more things including TV, library and computer rooms, that they would have wasted a lot of money laying down that carpet before I buy it as I would have to rip up the carpet because the My Place clientele would have the carpet trashed, wet and a moldy health hazard in two weeks. Oh, I’m at my building now and no one standing out front trying to get in when they don’t live there. Now common sense (and I realize there’s nothing “common” anymore about common sense) would dictate if the person you are there to see is NOT answering the intercom then you have no business wandering around a locked security building on cameras without invite from your friend. I actually went out the back door the other day because some man was at the front door and knocking at me to let him in. He ran around to the back and yelled after me about how I went out the back door to avoid letting him in. I said, “Right. I’m not letting someone in I don’t know!” He said, “I respect that.” My brain is asking, but fortunately my Irish mouth didn’t repeat it, “Then why did you run around the back to confront me.” I don’t deal with stupid well.

Post I made 11 Jun 2014 to this video of the Davidson Street Camp Destruction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyIzxSBh7kw

tavran1

7 people only were housed with ESG money. Three months later, money gone, back to the street. “Shelters” are NOT housing by any definition. This action was illegal and violated Federal Law from September 2012. The tents and other things should have been taken into storage, not thrown in a dumpster. The persons involved should have been able to retrieve their things within 90 days. Everyone who helped “dispose” of those things should be arrested and taken to Federal Court, have their assets frozen, sit in jail till they lose their jobs, then be released into the streets homeless. Then they can learn and understand.

Indianapolis, Indiana, Tests Homelessness Neutron Bomb (in the tradition of “The Onion”)

Indianapolis, Indiana, Tests Homelessness Neutron Bomb, First one Detonated in the United States
Michael V. Schwing, Reporter (in the tradition of “The Onion”)

16 July 2012, 9 pm, Indianapolis, Indiana, USA.

Indianapolis, Indiana, was the scene this evening of the detonation of the first homelessness neutron bomb ever made and used. It is believed to have sent over 2000 homeless people to their permanent housing out of the streets. It must have been effective as this reporter could only find, at this time, surviving homeless persons who were sleeping in the IUPUI Library or on the computers in the IUPUI Library at the time of detonation.
This collaborative effort of HUD, the Department of Energy, CHIP, the Governor’s Office, NASA, Ed the Talking Horse, the Department of Defense, and Panda Express restaurant cost over 7.5 billion dollars.
Among the comments from the homeless in the IUPUI Library which this reporter was given permission to publish were:

Mark Zonderburgmeister said, “Yippee! More bags of food for me at the feedings!”
Linda Pumperniklebred replied, “It should really make it easier to find campsites at the River, the Jungle, and Military Park. They were really getting crowded.”
Penelope Nase-in-deine-Gesellschaft, a housed IUPUI German exchange student, well-known for speaking her mind on various causes, intruded into our conversation, “I think it would have been better to have used the 7.5 billion dollars to buy housing for the homeless and then connecting them to the services necessary provided by already existing trained service providers to stay housed. We could have housed thousands of families and eliminated homelessness in the top 10 most plagued Indiana cities.” After being congratulated for actually reading the first “Blueprint to End Homelessness in Indianapolis”, she was immediately made the Chair of the CHIP Homelessness Advocacy Council, of which only three members could still be found.
“Chill Will” MacGillicuddy, holding his sign, “Why Lie. It’s for beer!” asked if someone would put some money in his cup so he could go to the liquor store and get some “gin medication to self-celebrate.”
Another CHIP Homelessness Advocacy Council member (English name with-held by request, but his Dinarisian name is Tavran Saurranno, but you didn’t hear it from me) stated he was glad to see in this day of various levels of governments, private donors, and massive non-profits downsizing their donations to every cause including homelessness, that one governmental program to help the homeless is still getting major funding: the “Keep the Homeless in Case Management Till They Die in the Street and We Commemorate Them at the Homeless Memorial Service Program”. He stated further, “It makes me really proud as a native of Indianapolis and Indiana to know that we have more than corn and sports in Indiana: we also have compassion for our fellow human beings and wish them the best, especially the homeless who will be helped by this new final solution. (All the more, since the powers that be keep refusing to let me build a Soylent Green factory in Indianapolis and make the homeless, geese, sewer rats, squirrels and rabbits useful).”
This reporter will keep you readers apprised of future developments of this story.

Post on Facebook that Potsie 1 the Squirrel wants me to post for him

Potsie the Squirrel wishes me to post this on behalf of the Squirrels of Military Park, Indianapolis, Indiana: [written by Michael Schwing 1 May 2014]

Dear Outreach Humans with food, Ignore the complaint of Human Mike in previous post. Human lies. Peanut butter sandwiches DO FLY in his camp-right out to the Squirrel Trees. We are grateful. We Squirrels so love peanut butter we will eat it out of hand of Human. Bring more!
Also bring more granola bars with fruit in them. Humans no eat. Throw to us. We eat granola bars right out of Human’s hands. Taste so good. Bring more! Human gave us all the granola bars with cranberries and blueberries in them. Kept peanut butter and chocolate ones for self. What’s up with that? Selfish Human eating Squirrel favorites!
Oh, bring more cases of cereal Humans won’t eat. Had strange word on the box I ate into which Human tried to hide from me before it went to library. It said “Fiber”. Bring cases of this “Fiber” cereal. Looked like twigs ground up. Tasted better. Human left full box around 3 Squirrel Trees. Was good. Bring more!
Humans also share (they seem to like to eat also) peanuts in shell, almonds, and pistachios. Bring more! Thank you.
Signed: Potsie 1, Potsie 2; Shtoakar of the Walnut Tree; Timmy, Tommy, Tammy, and Tabitha of the Tree by the Bench (Cousins of the Potsies); Nequah of the Tree by the Water Fountain; and Sionnach (The Fox in Irish), Medb (Maeve), Eithne (Enya), Brian, and Niall of the Tree by the Corner of the Gazebo (and some outlier trees).

Doctor Seuss Meets the Indianapolis Homelessness Industry-Part 1, The Horizon House (Humor)

“Dr. Seuss Meets the Indianapolis, Indiana, Homelessness Industry System”, written 8 June 2013 by Michael-Tyrrannis I Saurranno-Schwing copyright 2013

 

Prologue: Mikey-Me is homeless in the streets of the big city of Indianapolis. He needs a service, some medication. The Mega-Hospital will not see him through any clinics. Mega-Hospital will see him through the Emergency Room, but Mikey-Me believes, and the Doctors know, that this is not an emergency. He needs a referral to the appropriate agency and a voucher to pay for the medicine. While wandering the streets not sure what to do or where to go, Mikey-Me, much to his surprise, runs into Horton the Elephant, that SAME Horton whom Dr. Seuss said heard a Who! Let’s tune into their conversation: [Chapter 1: Mikey-Me needs a case manager and a referral] Mikey-Me singing his song: “Oh me! Oh my! Whatever shall I do! I need some medication but cannot afford to see a Doctor to write the prescription. But when the Doctor writes the prescription, I no longer have the money to pay for it. Oh me! Oh My! Whatever shall I do! Other homeless people have told me I need a referral to a place. Then I need to find a case manager who will take my case. And they can write me a voucher for when I get there and the medication will then be free. But where do I get a referral for me?” Just then an elephant walking down Washington Street interrupted Mikey-Me talking to himself and asked, “Kind Sir, do you know where the Zoo is? I seem to have gotten lost, where is this?” Mikey-Me has never seen a talking elephant. “Where do you come from and what is your name?” “My name is Horton and I came from the Indianapolis Zoo and have gotten lost on my walk and need to get back in time for feeding.” “The same Horton who hears the Whos? I can help you if that’s all you are needing for I know where the Indianapolis Zoo is from which you came.” “The one and the same Horton. Thank you kind sir, how can I ever thank you?” “Do you know where a homeless person can find a case manager?” Mikey-Me asked. But Horton has never heard of case managers, he heard the Who have them there. However, says the Who that Horton hears, “Without a referral, you won’t get anywhere!” Just then walked up Horton’s friend Sam I Am out of nowhere. “What’s taking so long, Horton? How long does it take to get some air?” “I did get lost and at what cost! I ran into this kind sir who needs something. But I don’t understand what he needs as I have never heard of this thing.” Sam I Am asked Mikey-Me, “Just what is it you need kind sir, this unheard of thing?” Mikey-Me: “It’s not an unheard of thing, just a rare thing which I cannot find without a better clue. I need a case manager for homeless persons who can write me a referral and a voucher that is new.” Sam I Am the answer knew: “If you need a case manager and a referral Mikey-Me, then you should go to the Horizon House.” “Where is this Horizon House that with a referal my problem will douse?” 1033 East Washington Street with phone number 317-423-8909. “Then there I’ll go, thank you Sam I Am. I must go now before my condition makes me whine.” “But wait, kind sir, you cannot go without a plan. And also you did not tell me if you wanted green eggs and ham.” “I thank you for your hospitality, please help me make a plan if you can. But I must say: ‘No sir, Sam I Am, I do not want green eggs and ham!'” “Okay then. From downtown take the Bus 8. The Fox in Socks will help you navigate. But hurry please and do not stand and wait. The Horizon House cannot help you if you’re late!” [Chapter 2: The Horizon House. Mikey-Me arrives at the Horizon House with the Fox in Socks as his guide.] “I have never been on a bus that gave me such a ride, riding on a bus in this city has made me terrified! Thank you Fox in Socks for being such a good guide. I never would have found it without going crazy. It’s good to have friends in my time of need who are not lazy! Now what must I do to get the help that I need?” “You must go in the back door to check in at the desk on the way, then sign up for orientation, hopefully later that same day. At the orientation you will be given papers you must sign, do not add nor cross out anything, just sign on the dotted line. Another paper you must take to get it verified, that homeless you truly are, for Horizon House to be satisfied. If this paper is not returned before the proper day, you will have to start all over, there is no other way. Then you will need to meet with a case manager or two, with whom you’ll make a plan to address your homelessness, and get those referrals too!’ “Oh my dear Fox in Socks that sounds so complicated. How do I navigate all that without being intoxicated? I have never heard anything so against me weighted. Is there any simpler way in which this all could be stated?” “Probably not. However, I will now turn you over to the Cat in the Hat. The Cat in the Hat will graciously explain the homeless person’s viewpoint of all that.” Says the Cat In the Hat: “It really is not that complicated Mikey-Me. Just take hold of my hand and go with me! Just follow the directions you are told, although the list of things to do will soon get old. Jumping through the hoop that is blue, on the proper day, even one that is brown, if you have an appointment, it is true, then this will take you down the road that goes to Midtown. Jumping through the hoop that is green, rolling in a somersault past the beam, walking down the hallway that is clean, this will bring you to the Eskenazi Medical Team! Jumping through the hoop that is yellow, and turning in your verification in a timely manner, will prove that you are a sincere fellow, but make sure it is the right equinox by your calendar planner! But never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, not even during an eclipse do take the chances, of jumping through the hoop that is red, in the second month after the vernal equinox, on a Thursday, for says the Fox in Socks: “They will write you off as a failure and treat you as if you’re dead!” [End of first installment. later installments will explain Midtown, Medical access, Homeless Initiative Project and the Coalition for Homelessness Intervention and Prevention]

“On the Trail of the Elusive Portypot” or “In Search of the Elusive Portypot”, written and copyrighted 26 July 2008

      

“On The Trail Of The Elusive Portypot” Poem by Michael V. Schwing written Saturday 26 July 2008, copyright 2008 While walking beside the Canal down a brick trail, Over the bridge on my two feet I sail, Past the NCAA building as big as a whale, What do I see that will end my travail? I see the Portypots, a family group of three, The elusive Portypot finally found by me! With a fourth standing alone under a tree, The elusive Portypot, I finally found thee! And why, do you ask, does seeing a Portypot cause glee? Why, because in the Mile Square only two bathrooms there be. Only two that are open 24 hours at White Castle and Steak-n-Shake you see, Only one can be accessed without the key. The one at White Castle needs a manager’s okay. That same manager who looks at you like, “Hey!” “Why are you here?  What would you like, please say.” “Please order something now or be on your way.” The other at Steak-n-Shake, that’s where I go, Because there they accept without a show, My need to use the bathroom they understand and know, I do my business, then order a banana shake I sip slow. But sometimes I have no money, you know. But they don’t toss me out into the cold snow, Or into the street that’s as hot as a demon foe. The waiter, who kindly greets me, understands. It is so! So down by the canal, by the Indianapolis Tennis Center , My elusive Portypot I think I shall enter, I love to “office” because I leave there a little lighter, Then I leave the elusive Portypot feeling “Oh so much better!”   NOTE: this poem is read by me on Youtube with various pictures of the places mentioned. Find by searching word “portypot”.

The Fatal Flaws in the belief “We feel by feeding, giving blankets we are enabling people to stay in the street” -By Michael Schwing, written Monday, November 12, 2012

This is Michael Schwing. Most of you know me as a member of the CHIP Homeless Advocacy Council working with the rest of you (all of you being voices FOR the homeless) as almost the sole voice OF the homeless in the Blueprint 2 work meetings, which I enjoy attending.

 

Just  as Andrea DeMink felt the need today to post the truth about flu shots on Facebook, so I feel the need to address from all sides the concept that I have yet run into again today:

that if we feed the homeless or give them a blanket we are enabling them to remain homeless and they will not come in to access services (read: come into our business and access the services we provide so we can keep getting our grant money to continue providing those services needed or not).

As most of this will just fly past or over the heads of  some of our MSW (Masters of Social Work) case managers or they will be so stuck in their in-the-box-thinking that the offering of explanations and opinions not held by them by someone who is not an MSW will serve no purpose. If you are in that category you can stop reading now. If you are in any other category, please read on till you get annoyed or find one word or comment to harp on then quit reading or harp away. Otherwise if you really want to know some answers read on.

(Remember: Thinking outside the box can be useful, but I am not saying discard that in the box which works. Some issues need another approach; some people need a different approach.)

 

First, homelessness is NOT EASY BY ANY MEANS. So NOTHING you or anyone else does can make it easier. This fallacious comment (“that we are making homelessness easy”, or “we don’t want to make homelessness easy”) has been made in my presence 100% of the time by persons who are not now nor ever have been homeless and probably believe they never could be. It has been said to me by MSW’s, case managers, service providers and the average person on the street.

 

Second, feeding the homeless is enabling them. It is ENABLING THEM TO SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH TO ACCESS YOUR SERVICES. If they die in the street, they cannot be helped, but then they would not need to be. It may also be enabling them to live long enough to wait till you actually offer the service they need, or till they find the service provider they need. (Remember: One size does not fit all.)

 

Third, until you have shelters or missions with sufficient space  that allow any and every homeless person to come in, not just those who fall under the business mission statement, not just persons with drug dependencies, or victims of domestic abuse and their children, WHERE IS IT YOU EXPECT ME TO COME IN TO? Do you know for instance, the Wheeler building on Delaware St. has three floors and if one floor had 125 beds on it, then the other two floors could also have 125 beds on each therefore housing 250 more men as well as the 175 beds on the one floor of the Lighthouse. The available beds (175 in the entire city if not in a program) are usually full. How is sleeping on a mat in a mission dayroom any different from what I am doing already: sleeping on a cardboard in a park shelter? Well there may be a temperature difference of forty degrees, but at least I CAN SLEEP outside and am not subjected to abuse by the other inmates of the mission for snoring nor treated like an idiot by the staff. I went in the other night for overflow, forgetting to check first to see if it was a weather night (it has been over 3 years since I needed a weather night bed), and the person I spoke to went out of his way to make me feel like an idiot–called the phone number of the weather night line, playing it with a look of satisfaction on his face. Personally speaking, I hope I do freeze to death outside for then I would die happy and this crap would be over. But as the best thing that could ever happen to me while homeless is to die, I know that will not happen. Besides, it is not a good day to die as I am not done using my talents to make the powers that be (read: THE SYSTEM) uncomfortable enough to become more effective and efficient.

 

Fourth, in my head I always have to ask, “What services?” If you are not going to get me into housing you have no services I need. I can wash my clothes or take a shower (or clean up) any of several places including family and friend’s houses, church, IUPUI Science Bldg (for washing clothes), and family bathrooms everywhere. Donuts, milk and coffee? And now there is no reason not to understand why so many homeless are becoming diabetic–sweet treats are the primary and sometimes only thing we are fed. Water? I know most homeless are too lazy to carry around a 20 ounce pop bottle and fill it with tap water as I do. So they need you to donate dozens of cases of water monthly to survive.

(Remember: You need to find out what services are needed and then provide them, bottom to top not top to bottom. If you nonprofits operated in the real world in this same manner you would be bankrupt in the year, or have no customers, or would have driven them off.) Now, I do access IU doctors and now Midtown again (required by HIP case management which I am trying to get into).

 

Fifth, let us cover feedings. Have any of you calculated how many blocks it is to get to three feedings a day? I have, for I no longer have the physical means to walk the 60 blocks a day to get to those feedings. Sixty blocks you ask: Military Park to Central Library–10 blocks. Central Library to what is the former Damien Center but is properly called Cathedral Kitchen–5 blocks there, 5 blocks back. Central Library to Wheeler-Lighthouse–12 1/2 blocks there, 12 1/2 blocks back (although walking on a diagonal as much as possible lessens this). Do this a second time for dinner–25 blocks round-trip again. And you wonder why I would rather make a ten block round trip and buy food or get it from a dumpster and skip most feedings. And as for food. We are tired of peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches, and crackers, and sweet treats whose expiration dates are months if not years ago. The homeless are not a living garbage disposal for expired food. We want to and NEED to eat the same quality food those providing food for us would serve their families. So yes, you are NOT enabling us to stay in the street by giving us some pizza or chili, or any other real meal–that one meal did not keep us from accessing services, but allowed us to survive another night and showed us you really care about us to the point that now you have our attention. It is just like at Wheeler Mission Ministries. They feed us a meal first. And give us a place to sleep. In between those two acts of taking care of our basic needs (Maslow’s Hierarchy), they show us they care about us and preach the Word to us and talk to us before shower time, and over time that will reach most people. Then when they have our attention the case manager asks us what do we need, what is our plan out of homelessness, if we even have a plan, and how can they help us achieve that plan. THAT IS THE GOAL OF ALL OUTREACH–GET PEOPLE CONNECTED TO THE SERVICES THEY NEED TO ACCOMPLISH WHAT THEY WANT/NEED. If you are in outreach for any other purpose than to help someone get out of the street, then get out of the outreach now. We will figure out your reason is not in line with our needs and you will fail.  Most of us are not interested in helping other people feel good about themselves, that they did something for the homeless, such as by accepting a PBJ sandwich and water.

 

Sixth, it seems to me that this idea that if you refuse to provide people their needs they will come running in to you to get what they need. There are some people who will do that. They are the ones living off the system and will do whatever you say to get what they want so they do not have to do anything. Along with this group are those who feel entitled to be supplied by you with everything they want without personally having to DO anything but hold out their hand for you to fill. But these are only two groups among the homeless.

I think this idea is a lot like bad parenting. Most of us will only access the people/programs who show they care and will listen to what we want or need. Outreach shows they care by feeding us (just give me another can of Vienna sausage–you better duck fast when I throw it upside your head to open the crappy things, or provide me some hot sauce or salad dressing to cover their taste. Same goes with peanut-butter sandwiches, and peanut-butter crackers). I know I have just hurt some feelings or annoyed greatly some of you–especially churches feeding, or worse, you are thinking, and I have been told this when turning down food I did not like, “Beggars can’t be choosers.” I am not begging from you. I do not need your food or water. There are many others, though, not as resourceful as me and who do not have any support system as I do who absolutely NEED the food and they will be nicer about the same old things being served. There are feedings I will never go back to because I feel they feed to make themselves feel good or they do not feed anything worth eating. It is all about survival, and as such, each person does what he or she thinks is best to survive. We need feedings and soup kitchens as the elders call them. But we also need outreach persons and organizations to get the word out about services and help us connect to services. There are still some people, especially ones new to homelessness, who do not know what is available or do not know how to access it. If this philosophy REALLY WORKED, then all the agencies should cut off the food stamps of EVERYONE in the country because you are enabling them to survive without working. But then you very same case managers who think my food should be cut off so I will come in to get services from you would harp about all the unwed mothers and how they and their bastard children need to eat and it would be inhumane to risk them starving to death because they are going through troublesome times not of their own doing. No, I am not child hateful or advocating this be done. I am using an example of one kind of feeding you support and saying IT IS THE SAME THING as feeding the homeless. Refusing to feed me or give me clothes or a blanket WILL NEVER MAKE ME COME IN FOR SERVICES. And refusing to help me with the basic needs every human is entitled to have means I WILL NEVER,  REPEAT,  NEVER,  COME IN FOR SERVICES FROM YOUR ORGANIZATION. You do not want to help or serve me except by your terms, you are now the enemy. And as a survivalist what will I then do? I will badmouth your organization for lack of caring and competence and I will not stop being inimical till your organization is as DEAD as you obviously want me to be. Tough words? Extreme words? Exactly. If that is what I need to get through to people then that is what I will use.

 

Seventh, and maybe most importantly, we will be homeless whether you outreach to us or not, whether you provide the supplies of food, clothes, and other things needed for survival, whether you care or not, and whether you like it or not. And in SURVIVING we will each do the best we can. If I eat a meal at a church, or eat at the Pourhouse feedings, I do not feel I have been enabled. In fact some feedings you support, some you do not. Support all feedings. They are necessary and important. If our basic needs cannot be met most of us would rather die in the street than come in and kiss certain service provider body parts. ENABLING US, YES. IS THIS KEEPING US OUT IN THE STREET? NO. (Except for that small group that will remain homeless for various personal reasons no matter what you do.) .

 

Last, as for me personally, since I have family, lodge, and church commitments, have hobbies, have service businesses which I can do even while homeless (been self-employed on a small scale for 25 years), have a church family and have never left society (although I do fit the label “chronically homeless”), I may seem to be too comfortable and not want to leave the street. But I do want to leave the street and live in my own place again. The help I need is getting sufficient gainful employment and how to get employed these days when almost all jobs I got hired at were because I knew the manager who offered me a job. HIP has a game-plan for me in this regard and today Horizon House made a good suggestion that may prove helpful to me–going through Opportunity Knocks again. Genealogy is my drug along with playing the online games Runescape and Mahjongg. While I would be doing these things daily anyway, if I were employed I would be working not online 12 hours a day. And in taking care of myself I would be better able to help someone else. I will always be an advocate and also outreach in my own small way, not by going to camps or other places, but by telling those whom I see in the course of my day about the services that are available to aid one out of homelessness, poverty, hunger, and unemployment. I cannot walk past someone I can help and not try. From working with all of you on the Blueprint 2, I know you understand and agree for that is why you are in the various service businesses you are in. I want to encourage the co-operation between us all as together we can accomplish more. But I also want to encourage knowledge. I did not know some of your agencies actually existed, or in some cases had heard of them but did not know what you do, or the persons you help. By working beside all of you and making my small contributions, I have gained much knowledge, of who is out there, what is effective, organizations I never knew existed that I can add to the lists of those I know to recommend persons to, best procedures and the like that make my personal “outreach” more effective, which makes me a happier person, for I love to help people. I surround myself with people who fill the role of brother, sister (I am an only child of parents who are deceased), friend. Those amongst that group of “family” who are homeless share food and resources so we as a group are better off than we would be trying to make it individually. That is the kind of person I am housed/unhoused, employed/unemployed, etc. I have family, be they legally related or not, blood or not. I will survive and this is just for a time. But I need help sometimes to change my situation and asking for that help is difficult as I should be the Helper, not the one helped

 

If you have read this far, Thank you for your time and caring. I do not want outreach to stop nor feedings to stop nor greatly annoy our underpaid over-worked case-managers. I want them to understand several sides of this “enabling” issue from those of us whom you think are being “enabled” by the things we are given to survive.

 

Sincerely,

 

Michael V. Schwing