After following the Yellow Brick Road in Schnoz to the Emerald Castle where the Great Lizard is, they get an audience with the Great Lizard.
Great Lizard: Ask not what the Great Lizard of Schnoz can do for you, but what you can do for the Great Lizard of Schnoz!
Dorothy: Great Lizard of Schnoz, we heard you are the only one in Schnoz who can help us.
Great Lizard: ikr [I know right!]
Tinman: Will you help us Great Lizard of Schnoz?
Great Lizard:I will if I can, LOL! [Laugh out loud]
Tinman: I need a heart,
Lion: I need courage.
Scarecrow: I need a brain.
Mr.Perfection: I need humility.
Gelflings: We need to know which crystal shard will repair the Dark Crystal.
Great Lizard: And what do you need, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Two Toes and I need to go home, to a galaxy far, far, away and we don’t know how to find the wormhole to Detroit.
Great Lizard: Tinman?
Tinman: Yes?
Great Lizard: Didn’t you care enough about all these people to take care of them and bring them safely through all the people of Schnoz to me so that I could help them?
Tinman: Yes.
Great Lizard: Then you already have a heart: compassion, caring, and love!
Tinman: Thank you so much, Great Lizard of Schnoz!
Great Lizard: Lion?
Lion: Yes?
Great Lizard: Did you not stand up and protect them from the Klingons of the Black Brick Road and the Minotaurs from the Golden Fleece Brick Road?
Lion: Yes.
Great Lizard: Then you already have courage, Sir!
Lion: Thank you so much, Great Lizard of Schnoz!
Great Lizard: Scarecrow?
Scarecrow: Yes?
Great Lizard: Did you not deal with Bryant the Bridge Troll, escape from the sales pitch of the GEICO Geckos and distract the Apes so you all could escape?
Scarecrow: Yes.
Great Lizard: Then you already have a brain!
Scarecrow: Thank you so much, Great Lizard of Schnoz!
Great Lizard: Mr. Perfection?
Mr. Perfection: Yes?
Great Lizard: Haven’t you treated Dorothy as a Lady and done for her several things that made her happy without expecting anything in return, although you generally got what you wanted without bragging to others about the “conquest”?
Mr. Perfection: Yes.
Great Lizard: Then you already have humility. It just took the right person (or paddle) to bring it out!
Mr. Perfection: Thank you so much, Great Lizard of Schnoz!
Great Lizard: Gelflings?
Gelflings: Yes?
Great Lizard: The shard you need will be the one that glows when I play this panpipe.
Gelflings: We found it! Thank you so much, Great Lizard of Schnoz!
Great Lizard: Dorothy?
Dorothy: Yes?
Great Lizard: To go home through the proper wormhole, all you have to do is dial the following Stargate code my butler will give to you and walk through the Stargate AFTER the event horizon calms.
Dorothy: Can I take Two Toes and Mr. Perfection with me?
Great Lizard: Of course, you can take anyone with you through the Stargate at the same time before the event horizon closes.
Dorothy: Thank you so much, Great Lizard of Schnoz! One more thing, oh Great Lizard of Schnoz.
Great Lizard: Yes?
Dorothy: What is the meaning of life?
Great Lizard: The meaning of life is to live (chokes, gurgles, keels over dead)
ALL: DOROTHY YOU KILLED THE GREAT LIZARD OF SCHNOZ!
Dorothy: That’s okay! Auntie Em has a great lizard recipe.
Mr. Perfection: What does lizard taste like?
Dorothy: Chicken. Let me just get my cellphone and call Auntie Em for her lizard recipe and I’ll cook him up and we’ll have a feast!
Scarecrow: What’s a cellphone?
Dorothy: Oh you silly. Don’t be such a platypus! This is the 21st century version of Dorothy and the Lizard of Schnoz. It works like a “communicator” on “Star Trek”!
Writings of Michael Vincent Schwing (Tyrrannis I Saurranno) of Indianapolis, Indiana, USA 